Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize