My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
