I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize