You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
