There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
