Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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