Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
