During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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