Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
