what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
