I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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