singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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