She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
