ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
