Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
