You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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