i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
