That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
