She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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