she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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