Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
