it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
