Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
