the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
