Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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