I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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