normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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