All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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