Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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