Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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