It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
