I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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