i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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