I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize