I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
