It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize