Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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