I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
