I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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