wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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