just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
