Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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