when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
