yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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