Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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