I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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