Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
