You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
