I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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