youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
