i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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