So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
