So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
