This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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