i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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