Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
