I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize