So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
