If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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