I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
