I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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