Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
