The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..