you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
