I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
