You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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