yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
