She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
