So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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