sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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