i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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