Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
