Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
