I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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