Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
